I've wanted for a very long time to start and maintain a journal. It seems that having an intimate journal won't happen online, but at the very least I would like a place where, even if I die, some of my thoughts might live on to inspire others.
I adopted this pseudonym quite some time ago, probably in the earlier years of my life. At the current time I was attracted to destruction and chaos in the world and fancied myself the destroyer of mankind. Ironically, seeing as its core is creation and celebration, music was (and still is) my major interest. I searched the internet for a few months for things like "God of Destruction" and "God of Music." Personally, I didn't want a name anyone else had adopted, such a greek or roman god adaptation; additionally I had always been attracted to a two-fold name, one which could convey a double meaning and brimmed with power.
I finally managed to piece together two names from various fictional internet pages: Cebren, god of music, and Girinis, god of fiery destruction. Since adapting these names, the pages with the origins have long since disappeared, leaving only my unique combination within the ever-changing tomes on the internet.
Chronicling my life from that point onwards will take some time, and perhaps will be a story spread over days of this blog. For now, I prefer to focus on my current feelings and aspirations so I have a clear understanding of where I am going.
I call this the beginning because it is finally when I have chosen to do something, rather than merely speculate and plot. I have since decided that although the world is ugly, broken, and filled with woe, it deserves a brighter future and clearer understanding. The pulse of our world is slow and filled with constant change. Our lives have little to show in the overall picture, and our individual thread lost in the array of the overall tapestry; but it IS there. Perhaps one person cannot save the world, but the ideas and beliefs that he or she models to the world, enforces, strengthens, spreads, can eventually become the foundation for much grander things. Perhaps this effect can occur within that person's lifetime, or maybe it takes hundreds or thousands of years, but nonetheless it can make a difference.
Now, I find myself wanting to understand everything. Rather than destruction, I want knowing and wisdom. Currently, the faculties and motives are not developed or there for me to recieve or process this knowledge in a beneficial way, and were it given as it was given to Solomon, would be detrimental to peace and justice rather than beneficial. I propose that if one could simply understand the multitude of factors which unfluence a life, including upbringing and genetic disposition, as well as interactions an individual has with others, one would be able to predict precisely the decisions and outcomes of others. Meaning, with enough knowledge and understanding, the world's future could be seen clearly.
Now of course this means that everything would have to be predestined if reactions are caused by 'conditioning and learning' and that nothing happens by chance; life is merely an interwoven web in which a small series of events and decisions play out as they should without any human having the capacity or ability to observe it all and predict as is possible.
There is my thought for the day.
